Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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