Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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