saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Mom said you looked used
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
