i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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