i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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