eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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