you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
