Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Can I color on your dick again?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
