It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
