whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
