I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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