i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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