You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
