I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
