So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
