Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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