In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize