I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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