If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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