so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
