Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
