So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
