we're blogging at a bar
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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