I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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