The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
