Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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