I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
