Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
