I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
