I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
