I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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