All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
