please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
