K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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