She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
