We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize