Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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