he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
