So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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