i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
thus making me awesome and them whores
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
