You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
