Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
