I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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