do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
