He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
