just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
