we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
