dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize