Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
