I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Life is so much better after having sex.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
