Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
