new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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