I wish I could teleport
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
