Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize