I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
