So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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