A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
