Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
