My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
