You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
