I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
