yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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