The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I know her cup size but not her name....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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