:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
