I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
