Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
