The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I puked a lego.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
