If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
