if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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