im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
